What can I say about The Great Indian Kitchen that has not already been said before?
The film left me with mixed emotions and reminded me of someone who shared her ordeal with patriarchy immediately after becoming a wife; this is the story of a woman who works at a beauty salon (or as we lovingly call them ‘parlor waali didi’).
For the sake of her privacy, I’ll refer to her as Anamika in this article.
Anamika is in her mid 20’s.
She may look petite and naïve, but Anamika is a fiercely independent woman who isn’t afraid of anything.
I’ve known her for almost six years and have seen her be out of a job twice, due to the salons going out of business.
However, she never lost hope. She worked on her skills, polished her craft and managed to get a job at another reputed salon in no time.
Let me say it again – Anamika isn’t afraid of anything, not even failure!
Because I liked her and her professionalism, I kept in touch with her whenever she switched jobs.
Every time I had a salon session, we talked non-stop discussing various subjects (which is a great tactic to distract yourself from the pain of waxing).
In 2020, I obviously did not visit the salon for a long time due to the lockdown, until they reopened around August.
I went in for the usual – changed into the disposable salon gown, mentally prepped myself for all the pain my arms and legs were about to endure and got comfortable.
After the customary small talk about Coronavirus, we started talking about marriage because my wedding was scheduled for before the lockdown, but it got postponed – I digress…
I asked Anamika about the status of her relationship with her boyfriend of five-ish years, whom she once described as her support system. Apparently, some elderly men in her extended family (not her late father) were against their relationship because of his caste.
She didn’t quite pay much attention to their grievances though, because she knew their threats were only to intimidate the women of the house.
With her mother and brother’s blessings, she took charge of her life and married her boyfriend in a small ceremony.
Anamika giddily filled me in on all the drama leading up to her wedding.
While I lay on the table having my body hair being aggressively pulled from the roots, I was proud of Anamika for being so brave. I turned to her and said “I’m so happy for you for standing up for yourself.”
She smiled and nodded.
I asked “So, how’s married life? Are you happy?”
And she glumly smiled and said “It’s exhausting. All I do is work – work at the salon and work at home.”
Before I could probe further, Anamika vented out her daily routine since the day she got married – she instantly became a wife, a daughter-in-law, a cook, a cleaner, and a caretaker for up to 8 adults under one roof.
She told me that she woke up at 5 AM daily, prepared tea for the husband’s parents, showered, prepared a lavish breakfast making up to 16 parathas for everyone, waited for them to finish, washed the dishes, dressed for work and left home to arrive at the salon before 10 AM.
At work, Anamika’s job required her to be on foot for up to 10 hours shift daily, including overtime on most days. And her day didn’t end there.
She came home to all the members merrily watching TV, waiting to be fed… but not before they got their chai served exclusively by Anamika.
So basically, Anamika’s third shift of the day started around 9PM – cooking, serving, cleaning and then some. And the cycle continued again the next day.
Suddenly I saw this zestful and strong girl broken and distressed. Instinctively, I advised her on ways she can educate her in-laws and have her husband support her. I asked her how did they manage before she joined the family, and why are they depending on her to be a superwoman?
Apparently, they wouldn’t even move a finger till they spotted her in the house and ordered her around. And because she was still adjusting in a new environment and wanted to make a good impression – she continued to take on more responsibilities.
She even got her husband to help her in the kitchen to set expectations, but the family didn’t budge.
As an outsider, I couldn’t do much apart from listening to her and advising on how to proceed (I wish I could do more).
I thought of sharing Anamika’s story here not because it resembles the life of the “wife” in The Great Indian Kitchen, but because it resembles the life of ALL women.
We may not experience every aspect of her life, but have surely faced similar situations that inevitably makes us feel the sting of patriarchy.
Especially once we become “wives”, we are conveniently made to forget everything we’ve learned growing up and adopt the new. We are expected to accept every custom, ritual, habit, culinary preferences, and even a new surname immediately.
There’s even a hint of guilt that takes over in case we question or refuse to change, or sometimes even when we ask the husband “to help” with the household chores.
We are simply conditioned that way.
Anamika was an outspoken girl who marched on fearlessly before marriage. But her light dimmed within months of becoming a wife.
She confessed of being afraid of her mother-in-law’s judgement, her brother-in-law’s taunts if she skipped cooking, and even sharing the hardships with her own mother because she fought against the world for her daughter’s happiness.
The Great Indian Kitchen is a mirror of the society we live in… and it’s not restricted to the Indian culture alone. Misogyny and patriarchy are deep rooted social systems prevalent across the world in almost every culture.
The Great Indian Kitchen is a story of my salon lady, my friend, my neighbor, my sister, my mother, my mother-in-law… and perhaps even mine. And if it makes you feel uncomfortable – it’s done its job!
The question now is – will we learn from the reality portrayed in the film or just appreciate it as a piece of art and move on?
Writer/Director: Jeo Baby
Cast: Suraj Venjaramoodu, Nimisha Sajayan
Runtime: 100 minutes
The Great Indian Kitchen is streaming on Amazon Prime.
