Remembering Irrfan Khan - I want to take a moment to say goodbye

The world woke up to a sad news on 29 April, 2020.

It lost one of its finest – Irrfan Khan – an actor, an artist, an inspiration.

As if the world wasn’t already a dark place right now, it got gloomier.

Though we never met, the loss of Irrfan Khan feels personal. Words fail to describe the heartbreaking & numbing feeling of losing someone who made such an impact.

His was a face I recognized way before he graced the big screens.

My first memory of Irrfan Khan is from the 90’s show on Zee TV Banegi Apni Baat – a show I never failed to watch after school. Today, I don’t remember what role he played, but I remember him!

He appeared in several TV shows in that decade and even did some Bollywood films, but Maqbool [2003] made him an overnight star. It earned him the success an artist deserves.

In an adaptation of Macbeth by Shakespeare, Khan played the titular role as a right-hand man of a don, who had an affair with the latter’s mistress. A man torn between love, ambition, duty and guilt. This was probably the first time we witnessed an actor who could emote beautifully with his silence. No over-the-top theatrics, lengthy dialogues, ‘heroic’ fight scenes… just a piercing gaze.

He was a natural. He was authentic.

He went on to make great films and own every character he played. Whether it was a geeky man named Monty in Life in a Metro [2007], a family man in The Namesake [2007], an insecure and reserved barber in Billu [2009], a survivor in Life of Pi [2012], a lonely widower Saajan Fernandes in The Lunchbox [2013], a simple businessman Rana Chaudhary in Piku [2015], a happy-go-lucky and blunt Yogi in Qarib Qarib Singlle [2017], a bitter husband in Blackmail [2017] or a broken man Shaukat in Karwaan [2018]… he lived every character.

I haven’t watched his last film Angrezi Medium [2020] yet, but remember admiring his brilliance from a dialogue in the trailer where he promises to take his daughter abroad – “jayenge beta, jayenge.” With just three words, I knew him, I understood his character, I knew that person – a loving and protective father of a young daughter with dreams. That’s exactly how my father is – and that’s the power of a great actor who has the ability to bring a character alive with just three words.

I can go on and on about his work, dedication and sincerity, how he redefined “heroism” in Hindi cinema, struggled to make a mark in theatre, TV and films, broke barriers, and received global recognition … but it’s not enough.

I wish we had crossed paths. I wish we could’ve shared stories about his adventures in the big world of entertainment. I wish we could just chat about things that move him. I wish…

Irrfan Sir, it feels odd remembering you in an article or a post. Hope this reaches you along with the million wishes from everyone you’ve moved with your art, your smile, your wit, your humor and your simplicity. Wish there was another way – I want to take this moment to say goodbye.